Review : Rampage


“When three different animals become infected with a dangerous pathogen, a primatologist and a geneticist team up to stop them from destroying Chicago.”

When I first heard they were going to make this movie, my first thought was, but why? And now that I’ve seen it, I still don’t know. This movie, for those who don’t know, is based on a classic arcade game of the same title, involving some giant animals and a lot of destruction. If we’re being honest though, this movie was really made on the large shoulders of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and made for him. The real point of this movie is to use him, as a tool to make some bank, and its honestly pretty apparent, because this movie is absolutely ridiculous. Like, as ridiculous as it gets really. Every time something happens, every time a decision is made, anything a plot point is moved forward, there is almost no reasonable explanation for why anything goes the way it does, and how, but, what did I really expect. This is really the definition of a “popcorn” movie. One of those movies where you’re meant to just turn off your brain, eat all the snacks, and laugh at the jokes. And honestly, you could do that, but if thats not who you are, or not what you want to be about, you’re going to be sitting in this movie thinking to yourself, who made this, why they made it, and how they convinced some of the actors in it, to be in it. All in all, Rampage is just an over the top, balls out, brain off kind of movie that can only I think really be enjoyed by certain kinds of people.

Review Score : 4 out of 10


Review : Jumanji – Welcome to the Jungle


“Four teenagers discover an old video game console and are literally drawn into the game’s jungle setting becoming the adult avatars they chose.”

What do you get when you take a movie from 20 years ago, update it for a modern audience, add the current leading actors in comedy and action, and add a tag line to the original name? You get Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle, and you get a movie thats much more entertaining and funny that it really has any right to be. Jumanji 2 takes the concept of the original movie, and updates it to a concept thats fits a little better with a modern younger audience, and it does so in a way that genuinely works. It also allows for the movie to introduce some new concepts, that weren’t present in the first movie, that allow this movie to evolve and give it an entirely new set of tools to work with. Using the new setup of the game avatars, the movies allows for two different sets of main casts, and it also allows for the avatar cast, to play roles different to those they may be known for. That allowed for this movie to be much funnier than I though it would be, but it also doesn’t shy away from the action and adventure side of the Jumanji franchise that its really known for. All of these things together make for a movie that was really much more entertaining that I would have ever guessed, and it makes for a really pleasant cinema experience that I thin is perfect for this time of year.

Review Score : 7 out of 10

Michael Bay: When he works and when he doesn’t


Sweeping panoramas, low angle hero shots, slow motion rotations, fire work like explosions, product placement, women running in heels, these are just a few of Michael Bay’s favourite things. Every director (worth his or her salt) has their signatures. Their trademark styles and shots and motions that really stamp their name all over a motion picture. Michael Bay then, is really up there in these regards. Wether you love him or hate him, wether you think he’s only capable of making Transformer movies and put no stock in movies like The Rock or 13 hours, you can’t deny Michael Bay has style. And style is something we know, that people don’t always agree on, but no matter what, I think you’d be hard pressed to disagree with my argument for when Michael Bay works…and when he doesn’t.

What works:


I know what you’re thinking, this list can’t be that long, but lets just see. Now Michael Bay got his start in directing music videos, and yes it shows, but, music videos are nothing if not entertaining, and one of the hallmark features of all the best Bay movies is that they are super entertaining. Theres one thing that makes or breaks all of Bay’s movies, and thats rules.

The Rules:

Every successful Michael Bay movie follows a few simple rules, and those rules keep those movies lean and mean, entertaining and upbeat. A perfect example of this, is his 1996 movie, The Rock. It follows one of his first rules, to have two lead, main, or co-main characters that are opposites of each other. The Rock pits a scientist in Nicolas Cage and and ex-con/government agent in Sean Connery. This allows him to ability to have believable action and expertise, but it also allows for the simultaneous use of humor that a fish out of water aspect, thats also believable. This “Dynamic Duo” rule as I’m going to call it, fits perfectly into the style of film making that Michael Bay excels the most at. We also see this continued in many of his other movies like Bad Boys, The Island and Armageddon.

The next rule I like to call the “10” rule. And by 10, I mean She a 10. It’s no mystery, that Michael Bay has a habit of hiring extremely attractive female co-stars to play along side his Dynamic Duo. Liv Tyler, Kate Beckinsale, Gabrielle Union, Scarlett Johansson, Megan Fox, and not to mention countless models turned actresses that he would call up to the big leagues. The real question here, is why does this work, and the reason is, with the exception of Megan Fox on my list, all of those ladies aren’t just stunning, they’re really good actors, and they allow for both great acting, as well as, allowing Bay to have his way with running in tight dresses (and in heels somehow), just being their looking really pretty, and giving one of his characters a super hot reason to want to win. And I know what you might be thinking, is this really something that should be in the pros section, labelled as one of his rules he should follow, doesn’t it exclude some other actresses that are amazing but might not fit his taste? Yes, it definitely does, but any excuse to have a great actress in a cast, is one I’m going to advocate for (and later in the cons I’ll talk about the other side of this coin).

The third rule I like to call, “Nothing like the real thing”. Nothing helps keep a Michael Bay movie on track and quality filled, like some kind of grounding in reality. Wether its being based on a true story, like 13 hours or Pain and Gain, or when he uses more practical effects than digital, like most of his movies not called Transformers. Having a tie or a hook to reality, almost forces Bay I think into making the better decisions, as opposed to when he has more freedom in his narratives. It also helps to eliminate smaller sub plots that are less essential to the over all plot, and help keep the movie moving at a better pace, with better story telling. Keeping his stunts and effects as real as possible also allows for him to create and keep a much greater sense of danger and suspense to his action scenes.

What doesn’t work:


Now these are probably the sides of Michael Bay that a lot more people are familiar with, they are some of the go too reasons for hating on Bay and his movies. The real questions we should be asking here are why don’t they work, and why he keep returning to them? Here are Bay’s fail rules.

Rule number here is a big one, and one that he’s super famous for, and one that I like to call the “Explode all the things!” rule. We all know, if its Michael Bay, shits gonna explode, and that in itself isn’t the issue here. The issue is two fold, one are his use of seemingly only one type of explosion, what i like to call he fireworks bomb (where some real random firework like effects shoot out of anything that blows up), and the second is the frequency with which pretty much anything that a bullet hits goes up in a giant ball of fire. Those firework explosions always pull me out of the movie, because I’m always sitting there wondering what the hell would cause an explosion like that, and when EVERYTHING is exploding, the action itself gets so lost, confused and frantic that it loses its tension and desired affect.

Going off of the 10 rule from earlier, I had said it was a two sided coin, and it is. the real downside of the 10 rule can be seen in most of Bay’s more recent work, when the real change over to the genuine model turned stress instead of just great actress phase began. Transformers 1 is a great movie, and it stars Megan Fox, a woman not renowned for her acting, and that movie was very successful and so was the second installment she also stared in. Her being in those movies however, wasn’t the be all and end all proof that a movie could coast by on the looks if it cast, and this point was further proven by the revolving door of model actresses at would headline the future transformers movies, which have all made money, but received immense critical backlash, and all have been seemly getting worse and worse. This also goes against the reason I put this in the pros in the first place, and that was that it was allowing for roles for great actresses in blockbuster filming making. When the ONLY criteria of a female lead be “Hot according to Michael Bay”, then we have a problem.

Number three, is the “Bud Light” rule. We’ve all seen it, huge billboards in movies, only one car brand, some one literally stopping mid scene to open a beer that just spilled out of a truck full of those beers on a busy dangerous street to drink said beer on camera….Bay’s movies are filled with product placement. This rule like some of the others goes in the same camp of, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing until, and the until, is when someone does something ridiculous or out of character, just to have a freeze framable moment of them and said product on screen. Product placement isn’t a bad thing, and it can be done from the biggest to smallest of movies, its how you do it that matters, and over the last few years Bay has become more and more blatant and un-caring with his use of it. I know it helps keep budgets down, I know it might keep some producers and companies happy, but if the goal is the make a good movie, nothing should come in its way, especially not a paid for ad, that makes the audience feel like they’re still seeing the pre movie commercials.

Last but not least, this isn’t a rule, its just a piece of advice. For the love of God Michael Bay, branch out. In the last 10 years, Michael Bay has made 7 movies, 5 of which are Transformers movies, and his probably 2 best movies in that time, have been Pain and Gain, and 13 Hours. Both movies based on true stories, but movies with elements at least out of the typical action genre, both also following less of his don’ts, and more of his dos. I would love to see Michael Bay direct a horror movie, a thriller, sci-fi, fricking anything else at this point. Anything that would actually challenge him, and maybe he doesn’t want that challenge I don’t know. I just know right now the world loves to hate him, but some of favorite movies of all time are because of him, and hope he can get back to that Michael Bay, and maybe never step foot on a transformers set again in his life.


Review : Baywatch


“Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchannon butts heads with a brash new recruit, as they uncover a criminal plot that threatens the future of the bay.”

Baywatch the movie 2017 is here to signal the start of summer, and beach bod season, but its also supposed to make us laugh so does it? Yes and no, what we have here is a tale of two movies, or rather two directions. This movie is rated R, and it should be, and I feel like when its doing its rated R stuff it flounders, but when it does the PG-13 stuff, its genuinely funnier. The raunchy bits of the movie while I can see their appeal, just seem a bit lazy here, you know, going for the cheap shot. When the movie is more heartfelt and orthodox in its humour, its definitely funnier, and even more entertaining. All the cast here is great, even though some of them like Alexandra Daddario have smaller roles than I would have imagined, while some of the smaller roles likeĀ Yahya AbdulMateen II’s police officer are pretty well done, and feel impactful. This movie also feels double sided in its visuals. It goes from having some of the most fake fire I’ve ever seen in a movie, to having some stunning tracking and action shots of the cast when they have their full Baywatch moments. All in all I think this movie is a bit of a mixed bag, but with a 69 (that has to be on purpose right?) million dollar budget, I think it has a good chance of making enough to get a sequel, which with the potential from this movie, has the chance to be better.

Review Score : 5 out of 10

Review : Hercules


“Having endured his legendary twelve labors, Hercules, the Greek demigod, has his life as a sword-for-hire tested when the King of Thrace and his daughter seek his aid in defeating a tyrannical warlord.”

So Kellan Lutz is herules and, wait what? Thats the wrong movie? Why are they making two of everything…So The Rock is Hercules, and is as huge as shit. This movie is has one major problem and that is that it doesn’t itself know what it wants to be. On the one hand, it wants to be this big time action movie, and on the other hand it wants to be this super fun, super kid friendly adventure movie. It does end up in the end being a lot of the kid friendly kind, which is both good and bad. On the one hand, being skewed kind of younger makes the movie very fun, since it plays to a much more carefree and not serious sense of drama. That’s also where it goes down, in that the movie itself gets a lot more shallow as a result of it. Younger audiences will have a great time with this movie, which does also make it very surprising when The Rock does drop an F-bomb. It ends up with this feeling of a split personality here. The movie itself goes a different way than i expected and that the trailers portrayed, which isn’t a bad thing, it just may leave some viewers with a bad taste in their mouth thinking they were promised one thing, and getting something different. Overall, its not a bad movie, lots of fun if you’re not a huge stickler for depth, and if you like to see The Rock, being The Rock.

Review Score : 5.5 out of 10